RAWR ! ! !: September 2011

had my 1st exam on saturday.

and it made me felt dissappointed, deeply.

very dissappointed to myself.

i had failed the 1st subject and the most important subject for my course.

i knew that this subject is not easy and i study harder than usual.

but still, i apply wrong method for the 1st and 2nd question,

whenever now i recall back, i felt regret.

y i go gatal go change my answer?!!

the previous method i wrote was correct!!!

i hate myself =(

and,

for the 3rd and 4th question i had answer with my common knowledge.

i din memorized the term and definitions.

but i did memorized for the steps.

unfortunately my mind was totally blank when i answer the paper.

and confusing for which method to apply.

i had high coursework marks.

i only have to score 30 / 100 marks to pass,

and yet, i still failed to do so.

HOW FUCKING PERSON I AM ! ! ! ! !

it is the greatest chance for me to pass or even score for this subject!

and yet!!! what am i doing!!!

y i keep nervous and suspect my own answer.. =(

sigh..

keep on asking and asking why i m so stupid.

i disappointed many people.

my parents, my bf, my friends and my teachers.

i told my parents,

i would never failed again.

i told them, i will graduate on time.

i knew my parents very sayang me, all the time.

they earn money hard enough,

to let me study until university.

they gives me all the best things.

my dad even bought me samsung galaxy s2 for my birthday present this year.

but, i disappointed them. =(

i told my bf,

i would graduate together with him.

we can encourage each other and get a certificate,

proudly graduate together with all of our friends.

but now?

i m the worst. i still have 2more failed subject not yet retake!

and now plus 1 more!

i feel so guilty whenever i study with him.

because he is more and more hardworking compare to the lazy me.

i cried after my 1st exam.

cried alone in the room, so helpless.

he came to find me and console me.

he told me i still got him, and dun be sad..

but the more he console, the more tears dripping from my eyes.

i try to smile but i just cant control my tears and sadness from popping.

i had disappointed him. =(

me and my friend thian yeek had make a promise.

i wont failed any subject again on the 1st day he went to his uni.

he is a good friend, a good student, and a good son of his parents.

he score cgpa 3.2 on STPM but he couldnt get the course and uni he wants.

with no choice, he have to go for Universiti Malaysia Pahang,

which not even in his list and taking the course he not interest.

( blame our malaysia government! )

i feel pity for him, cz he shldnt be wasted in this way.

and i felt myself is so lucky than him.

but i waste my parents money to retake subject again and again.

for my advisor,

which is the tutor for this subject,

she keep told me how dangerous and how serious to get a bad result.

i promise her i will add oil and improved my result.

and now, i think i will failed to do so.

lastly, for me.

i regret i hate i disappointed myself.

but, what to do..?

how i wish that lecturers make my paper lost and let me resit for the exam.

but i guess it was impossible. =(

so,

i guess the only way i can do is think positively,

and put more effort for the following 4subjects.

wish me can get at least 2A and 2B-

so that i can maintain my gpa and cgpa at 2.0 ..

i need PTPTN..

i dun wan to burden my parents more and more..

this few days,

i keep think about this matter

and sadness keep on arouse..

make me cant focus on my studies.

haiz

now i learned my lesson..

i wont make the same mistake ever!

RAWR ! ! !

Monday, September 26

伤害lv4 ♥

Thursday, September 22

2nd competition xp

SEM BREAK ? @@

Thursday, September 15

3 subjects to go ♥

Tuesday, September 13

dissappointed =(

Monday, September 12

new skin again HAHA ♥